It's Been A Long Time Baby

Sooooo... 'Sup? It's been ages since I've blogged. I've been too busy or lazy or unproductive or whatever. I wanna start up again, 'cos I like writing blogs, it's just effort, y'know? I also wanna add a bit more to my blogs, film/music reviews, my thoughts and ramblings, naked pictures of myself (see deadlyriversxxx.blogspot.com for more on this (sorry, this doesn't exist. Myabe one day though?)). I'm sure I'll soon stop blogging, I always do seem to. But I'll make an effort. Anyway, it's been a long time since I've updated on my tasking, so I'm gonna get that all out of the way with I like to call 'TinyTasks'. I'm copyrighting that shit immediately!

Bear with me, there's gonna be a few...

I attempted to use my remote control to make cats vomit and trigger an immediate orgasm.

I chalked a 'Bad haircuts here' sign outside of a hairdresser's that gave me a couple of bad haircuts.

I sent an inspirational message in a bottle.

I attempted to adopt the neighbour's dog to play with Pepsi.

I couldn't go back to school 'cos it was a bank holiday. Silly Benrik!

I was extremely nice, helpful, and grateful for my existence on Humility Day.

I didn't tip abnormally.

I didn't become a hermit.

I left my left arm exposed all day in an attempt to tan it. Even though there was no sun.

I didn't stalk any well-known writers.

I cold-called some people, but couldn't get any money. Until I gave up and phoned mum. From my house.

I bought Jay some flowers for Pre-Feminism Day.

I am signed up as an organ donor.

I gave Meg and Hannah mini-tasks to smile more often when they see me. And Hannah to pretend like we've never met next time she sees me.

I got some speakers and played some happy tunes around town. But my iPod ran out of battery unfortunately.

I attempted to be as chill as possible for Buddhist Fundamentalism Day.

I was slightly mean to Emily and Anabelle, in an attempt to mess them up and turn them into Picasso.

I handed out no calling cards to strangers.

I left an old, unused wallet on the street. Which got returned immediately.

I am letting one particularly long hair on my arm grow to 1 metre in length.

I couldn't remember my dreams for dream analysis.

Jay and I followed Benrik's directions and went on an epic three-hour walk. It was awesome.

I didn't make a pact with the devil.

I asked Amanda if she wanted to hang out. She was my high school sweetheart, and we still see each other regularly as friends.

I boycotted baby oil. To stop the slaughter.

I didn't give flowers to a stranger.

I didn't become a superhero.

I didn't write a letter to my future self.

All photos make me look ugly. 'Cos I am ugly. So I didn't destroy any.

I sung everything for most of the day.

I didn't bribe anyone.

I sent an e-mail to the BNP suggesting that they attempt to ban any foreign foods entering our country.

I created a 'cave painting' of a 'dinosaur' using Batman's explosive spray (that sounds wrong) in the Batcave in 'Batman: Arkham Asylum'. I did not alert the authorities.

I suggested to the UN that we divide oil shares between all countries.

I ate a tiny bit of fur from a chair, atop a pizza.

I didn't befriend a customer care person.

I'm not in the first couple of thousand or so in the line of succession to the throne.

I left an inspirational message on the train.

I ate lunch with ear plugs up my nose.

I predicted stuff about the future. Possibly right, possibly wrong. Breakfast cereal slogan of the future; 'Nostradamus never predicted cereal THIS good!'

I didn't hitchhike.

I decided I want to be reincarnated as a sexy lady.

I didn't mouth obscenities to passing strangers.

I attempted to twin myself with a Canadian friend. She never replied to my proposal though.

I did not celebrate Children's Day.

Or Reverse Brainwashing Day either. I couldn't think of any second hand opinions.

I wrote a rough draft of my children's book, 'Spootums'.

I was gonna give roses to mum, but roses are expensive.

I didn't dial a random number and read out the given script.

I killed a spider.

I reported a window cleaning van parked mysteriously outside Dena's house to the Anti-Terrorist Hotline.

I tested if the grass was always greener on the other side. It isn't always. Though you may well be ON the other side. Discuss.

I hugged a couple of trees.

I uttered the odd sentence as if I were a global corporation.

I didn't bleed in the book. I'm a pussy and couldn't bring myself to bleed.

I bought a can of Pringles and got one free, as society urged me.

I prayed to God on a hill. No response.

I wrote an e-mail to Kim Jong Il to stop the atrocity! I didn't send it though.

I didn't attend court.

I turned off the TV when a redhead appeared on screen.

I didn't report my fake illnesses to the doctors.

I didn't get criticised. Though I do owe Chris and Michelle my script.

I offered honesty over Facebook. Nobody took me up on my offer.

I didn't sell anything that I'd made.

I knocked on every door in my house and at the museum.

I tried to convince Jay I had amnesia and that sex would cure it...

I didn't babysit anyone.

I didn't share anyone's pain.

I didn't make all my tastes mainstream.

I attempted to argue Jay out of purchases.

I didn't impress my librarian.

I didn't open a home restaurant.

I didn't send a letter to a mass murderer.

I went on hunger strike 'til my first text of the day. I got it as soon as I woke up.

I recorded mild hanky panky between Jay and I. I didn't post it on the internet.

I didn't sleep in public.

I had an imaginary friend, named Broseph. Only at home though.

I moaned more than usual to act like a teenager.

I didn't live for the moment. Well, I did, but pathetically.

I gave my home address out on the Benrik website. Nobody took interest.

I didn't try out incest.

I didn't request my street be named after me.

I dyed my hair red.

I didn't dig at the end of a rainbow.

I psychoanalysed myself. I'm normal!

I tried the Aversion Diet, but I have a strong stomach, so it didn't really work for me.

I didn't make a citizen's arrest.

I disobeyed Obedience Day.

I didn't divine the will of my ancestors.

I didn't act like a millionaire.

Well, that's it for now of my rubbish tasking. I didn't realise I was that far behind, that's crazy! And I still haven't fully caught up yet. Ho-hum. I'm understandably tired of writing now, so I'm going to leave it here. I promise I'll update soon though!