Day 21: Today, help put an end to loud mobile-phone conversations

Above: A stupidly loud phone conversation.

I guess I've started a lot of blog entries this way, and it may seem like a bullshit excuse by now, but truthfully, I just don't think the world wants me to blog. I haven't blogged in ages because, yup, you guessed it, my computer's fucked. Again. It likes doing that. Plus, I've been very busy lately, what with having shitloads of coursework, nearly having a nervous breakdown, and trying to have a social life in amongst all this too. So, I haven't had the most amazing week, and I don't think I've blogged for about two or three weeks now, but I'm gonna try to keep this up, through whatever means necessary. I'm still blogging January's tasks, and it's March tomorrow, how much does that suck? I'm currently blogging off my girlfriend's laptop, so, until my hard drive's fixed, will be leeching off other people's computers for a while. So, again, blogs may not be consistent, but I'll try. Sorry to anyone who's missed my blogs, whoever that may be and for whatever reasons anyone would miss my blogs. Anyways, on with the taskage!

On this day, WAAAAAAAAY back on the 21st January, I didn't do the day's task. Which was annoying, because I deleted some sound clips from my mobile phone to make space for today's recordings, including my much-beloved text tone, which I find hilarious, but I'm pretty sure no one else would. I planned to record some loud mobey convos (UUUGGGHHH), but 1) didn't really hear any, and 2) totally forgot by the time I went out. Jay and I went into town in order to do this task (probably to get other stuff too), but only came across one man who was speaking loudly into his phone. In a foreign language. By which point I'd forgotten about the task. So, yeah, it didn't really work out at all well.

If anyone can remember back to my last blog entry (though you may need a DeLorean and a Flux Capacitator to jog your memory), I didn't do that day's task, which was to search my house for dead bodies. Jay and I felt bad about such bad tasking over these past few days, so decided to do the dead body hunting task a day later. Jay was super excited about this. We started off in the kitchen, looking in cupboards for disembodied limbs and the like, but found nothing. Well, Jay thought she found a baby's severed head, but it turned out it was just a potato. A mistake we've all made at least once, right? We were also tempted to knock through the hollow wall in my kitchen which led to the boiler, but I didn't think my Mum would be overtly enthused about us doing this, so decided against it somewhat.

Next, we headed to the top floor (people only hide dead bodies on the lowest and highest floors, fact!) to look in the attic. Scary! We have an insanely long attic in this house which just goes on forever, and I've only ever really stepped foot in there. So today I decided to go ALL the way to the end, knowing that as a gift for my brave actions I would be rewarded with... dead bodies. Oh. Fortunately, I was rewarded with a better gift - Nothing. I wish I could have at least found something though, I was treading very carefully to avoid collapsing through the ceiling or getting a face full of fibreglass.

Next up was the weird little door in Meg's room. I'd actually never thought about looking in here until this day, it's a scary little door where I imagined Meg might be keeping a slave or something. Alas, no such luck. The room was just another little extra attic, full of fibreglass, but very little else of interest. Dammit, I was sure there must be SOMETHING in there, it's the kind of door that is the staple of rubbish horror films. Oh well, whilst this search wasn't very specific, we have established that if this house did have previous serial killer occupants, they weren't lazy, and hid the bodies pretty well. Regardless of our results, we had fun searching.

My day with Jaffy was awesome, mainly because I told her a completely made-up story about Mum's dickhead boyfriend wanking in the garden and she believed it. I guess I was preparing for the next day's task, I kind of blew my load a day too early (though at least I didn't blow it in the garden). We then watched 'Family Guy' later that night, which I hadn't watched in so long that I've started finding it funny again. Just must remember not to overdo it this time. Words which the house's previous serial killer occupants were smart enough to take heed of. Otherwise I'm certain we would have found those damn bodies...

Day 20: Today, search your house for bodies left over from any previous serial-killer occupants

Whilst I had plans to search the house for dead bodies on the 20th of January, it never happened. Why? Well, I had a busy, jam-packed schedule that left no time for finding cadavers around the house. Trust me though, I had plans of where to look. Not many, but plans regardless. But never to fear, trusted reader, you'll find out on my next blog entry that dead bodies were hunted for... Just on the wrong day. That's still tasking right? I still did it, just not on the day planned.

I can't actually remember what I did during the day (probably wasted valuable dead body hunting time), but in the evening I went to the cinema with Meg to see the critically-acclaimed 'All About Steve'. That's right, the one that has 6% on Rotten Tomatoes. I wanted to see it to understand what exactly was so bad about it, so was sort-of looking forward to it, sort-of not. As it turned out, it was actually decent. Neither me or Meg could figure out quite why it was so hated, it has a weird, very quirky sense of humour that I guess is an acquired taste, but kind of reminded me of 'Anchorman', a film which I adore and have probably spent half of my life quoting. Plus, it avoided a lot of cliches, so, really, I have to admire 'All About Steve'. Maybe I can get it to 7% on RT?

Later that evening, after a bus ride home where I found out that I guy I used to know from high school talks to himself about toast on buses, I met up with the lovely Jaffy at Dena's where we had a night of really quite deep conversation, music, and drinking (except I still wasn't drinking at this point). I can't honestly say I remember that much about the night, because I'm a bad person, but I'm sure we had a good time. And then... Well, who knows? Jaffy crashed at mine. And that's all I can remember. Bear in mind this was nearly a month ago. And that I'm a terrible person.

And thus, that concludes pretty much the shortest, most pointless blog entry I've ever done. So I'll end with a somewhat task-relevant quote from 'Anchorman', just because I feel like it;

"Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse, or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."

Day 18: Sabotage Hollywood Day

If you know me, you'll know that I'm addicted to films (even though I haven't watched one in ages, I'm a bad addict, alright?), but all the same, unlike most people I don't get really that bothered if a twist in a film is spoiled for me. Besides, the way I see it, if a film has to solely rely on it's twist to be a good movie, then it's not really a very good movie is it? Would 'Fight Club' be a bad film if it didn't have the epic twist at the end? Yes, it would. 'Fight Club' is one of my favourite films because it's an amazing, subversive, hilarious, clever film, which just happens to have one of the best ever twists at the end. So this is my defense for going on a message board and ruining the twist.

I was hoping to go to the cinema today, find out the endings of the current releases, and go around spoiling the fuck out of them (especially 'The Book Of Eli', 'cos I heard it has quite the twist, whether that means it has a good twist or not. Probably the latter). But there was no oppertunity to go to the cinema today so I decided to spoil films from the comfort and safety of my own home instead. Besides, I didn't want my Unlimited card revoked for causing chaos around Cineworld. So, as referenced in the previous paragraph, for those of you with very short-term memory, I went on to the Films: At Home message board on www.gamefaqs.com. I hadn't actually posted anything on this site in ages, I don't use it much, but they have a sometimes fairly interesting film community which I enjoy perusing. I put on a post simply entitled 'Fight Club'. Now, I realise that this is more likely to attract people who have seen the film, but I'm the kinda guy who acts first, thinks later. Or thinks too much, never acts. But this example is the former. Not that it matters. Inside the topic I wrote (*SPOILER ALERT*) 'Tyler Durden is the Narrator. Just thought I'd let y'all know.' I'm thinking I did spoil the film for some poor soul, I checked back the next day and couldn't find my post at all, then noticed a 'system notification'. It was a message telling me that my topic had been deleted for unnanounced spoilers, and that I had lost 3 karma points. Out of the 300-ish I had. What a punishment!

Later, Jay, or Jaffy as I had taken to calling her, came around, and we planned a night of movie watching. For some reason, I was really in the mood to watch 'Hostel: Part II', but Jaffy very much wasn't. She was pretty much traumatised by the first 'Hostel', but after a while she agreed to watch the second one, knowing that I would protect her from any horrifyingly gory imagery. We made a deal that I could spoil the film for her throughout, but I felt really bad about it, so instead I decided to, at certain points, give her two options, one of them a spoiler, one of them completely made up. The problem being that I'm bad at making stuff up, so came out with amazing questions like 'Okay, so does he get killed by the girl he's torturing, or does the ghost of his dead friend come along and help him kill her?' Or something like that. Jaffy quite easily guessed the real spoiler. As it was in the end, she actually wasn't traumatised at all. She thought the first film was worse, while I was cringing in disgust at most of 'Hostel: Part II'. Especially the bit with the chopped off penis. But that's a guy thing. I think every girl who laughs at guys who cringe at severed penises should have to watch 'Antichrist' as punishment. Not that Jaffy laughed. Just a thought though.

We followed up the guts, gore, and mutilated cocks with an even more vile and disgusting film - 'Bridget Jones's Diary'! I couldn't even stomach the levels of gore in this film! Okay, I'm bullshitting, there was a distinct lack of gore in the film, but I did actually really enjoy it. Jaffy was scared I'd hate it 'cos I hate 'Love Actually' with such a passion, but 'BJD' was actually coherent, so I very much enjoyed it. Although I felt bad that Jaffy didn't spoil the ending of the film for me, but then again, it was a romantic comedy, we all know how they end. That's right, the girl gets with the guy... But then the girl IS the guy!

Or not. Has this happened in a romantic comedy yet? If not, I'm busting out the typewriter immediately...

Day 17: Today, stick a message on a banknote

Above: A very clear picture of my note. Which should be further down my blog entry, but Blogger won't let me move it for some reason...

Ahhh, a nice, simple task. The only problem with it was deciding what message to stick on my banknote. Alas, I didn't have any actual stickers (y'know, for sticking) available. So, I decided to write on a banknote instead. Simple enough, but what to write? WHAT TO WRITE? I was suffering writer's block before even putting pen to paper (or should that be note?).

I thought of simple stuff, like 'Have a nice day', or 'This note was touched by a man with an infectious skin disease'. But I wanted something more memorable and witty. Actually, that last one would be pretty memorable, but a bit of a stretch to fit on a £10 note. Although, in retrospect, I may just have gone for that one in my current mindstate. Besides, nothing I write could be as memorable as what Chris wrote on his (well, Scott did it actually); 'Look at my balls'. Wish I'd thought of that! But as it is, I went for the witty option, and, after racking my brain for ages, I came up with the mildly witty 'Pssst... Pass this note on.' Which, without blowing my own horn, I thought was quite clever, kinda memorable, and a worthy instruction for anyone who doesn't know what to do with said banknote.

But having just have written my note wasn't enough... I needed to pass it on, as instructed! So, I went to Blockbuster (I had to return 'I Love You, Man' from the previous night anyway) and browsed the games and DVDs. To be honest, there wasn't much that I felt like buying, or if there was it was expensive, but I happened to stumble upon the two-disc edition of 'A Nightmare On Elm Street' for £4, one of my favourite horror films which I somehow didn't yet own. So, I went up to the counter to proudly purchase my DVD with my sabotaged note;

Checkout Girl: "Someone's written on this note."

Me: (With very shifty eyes and obvious 'I did it' voice) "It certainly wasn't me!"

CG: "Good, I was going to say that you probably had too much time on your hands if you did it."

Me: (Secretly dejected) "Yeah, hehehe."

I didn't actually say "Hehehe", I did laugh. But yeah, I got dissed for my wonderful art. Sad times. Oh well, some just don't understand the beauty of banknote art! Others do though, including Jay, who days later wrote 'Have a nice day' on a banknote with a smiley face. Awwww!

Talking about Jay, she was now living at mine temporarily by this point, following on from the previous night's events. I can't really remember what we did this day, but our obssession with sprag continued, and we decided that we're going to advertise sprag in the most obtuse way possible; My smiling face on a billboard, accompanied by the word 'SPRAG'. And that's it. And the website would just be the same thing. And we'd never elaborate further on this to anyone. I genuinely want to do this, it would be amazing. Although I guess I would forever be known as the 'Spragman', or something. 'Spraggot', maybe. Who knows? It would be so worth it though.

Come to think of it, I should have kickstarted the 'Sprag' revolution earlier by putting it as the message on my banknote...

Day 16: This morning, walk into a police station, announce you're finally giving yourself up and refuse to say another word for the rest of the day.

Again, sorry about the extreme delays, but I'm going to try and be a bit more consistent now, whether I've got time or not (which doesn't really make much sense). But more than anything, I'm sorry that I seemingly begin every blog entry with words akin to these. I'm sure y'all get the point by now, so I'm sorry!

It was instantly obvious, just from the name of this task, that I was not going to do it. I'm sorry Benrik, but you've openly admitted in an interview that you can understand if someone wasn't to do this task. I knew I wasn't going to do it as soon as I got the book. Solely because I had band practice on that day, Saturday 16th January. No, that was part of the reason, 'cos I didn't think my bandmates would be happy that I cancelled on them because I'd decided to give myself up to the police for doing nothing wrong. But the main reason is because the task was fucking ridiculous! Plus, under terrorist laws and stuff, the idea of being detained for way longer than a day scared me. And I'm guessing that I'd be breaking the law for wasting police time anyway - I really doubt they'd see the funny side.

One idea I had for a way around the task was to slip a note under the police station doors saying I'd give myself up, then run away deviously. But that's really unlikely to work, what are the chances of me getting away unnoticed? Well, I could have done it at 5 in the morning, but I only just this minute thought that idea up, so couldn't exactly do that half a month ago. My second idea was to withhold my number, dial 999, and say I give myself up. But they could have triangulated my call or something, so was a bit worried about doing that too. Plus, Chris told me something else relating to this that I can't remember right now. But rest assured, it stopped me from doing it. So, plan C was to do this, but from a public telephone. And, in extreme circumstance, plan D - do this, but learn "I give myself up" in a foreign language and say that down the phone. Alas, none of this actually ever happened, due to circumstances beyond my control.

As mentioned, there was band practice during the day, which I can't remember, but I'm sure went as usual - lots of arguments. But who knows (I should, really)? Could have been a good day. Later that evening I went to Jay and Kate's to watch a flick with my bezzies (eeeeuuuurgggh, I can't believe I just used that word). We firstly went to Blockbuster, obviously, to pick a film. We all wanted to see 'I Love You Man', but, oddly, considering it was a relatively new release, couldn't find it anywhere to rent. We looked at loads of other films, but there was nothing that we could all unanimously agree on. Except, seemingly, 'I Love You Man'. Finally, I just decided to ask behind the desk, and they did indeed have it. YASSSS!!! All that searching time for something we should have done upon not finding it immediately.

We got back and watched the film and it was very good, nothing groundbreaking, but very funny, very sweet, and just about original enough to be distinct from the rest of it's ilk. Plus, Jason Segel's character had amazing fashion sense in it. Ugg Boots with cut-offs - Win! We all enjoyed it thoroughly. Plus, it starred me. Well, in some people's opinions. Paul Rudd's character came out with the most strange, awkward phrases which did admittedly remind me and Rosie of myself. Plus, 'Joeban' is an awesome name, which I kept calling Jay for a while, but changing it to 'Jayban'. And I couldn't stop saying 'SHLAPPAH DA BASS, MON!!!'. Which I'm sure was very amusing the first hundred-or-so times I said it, not so much the other thousand-or-so.

This was followed with card games. And a game of Black Maria, a game intended to be quite violent, which got far more violent than intended. I could go into further detail, but it's best I don't. The night ended on a strange, awkward note. Jay ended up crashing at mine. And, because of the upset we were all feeling, I didn't really feel it appropriate to do my tasking. Although maybe it would have alleviated the mood. But potential arrest is not the preferred way to top-off an already quite fucked-up night, contrary to popular belief.

Day 15: Today, ask your loved ones to list your bad points

Firstly, I am even more incredibly delayed with these blogs than back when I was incredibly delayed with these blogs. My living arrangements have changed a bit lately, not that I'm complaining, but it hasn't accomodated me much time for blogging. So, I will try to get them out of the way eventually. Sorry to any loyal readers (that would be no one...)

So, on this day, way back on the 17th January (years ago!!!), I had to ask my loved ones to list my bad points, as may have been made obvious by the task name. The given bad-point-listing-box had five seperate bad-point-listing-boxes for different kinds of bad-point-listers; partner, parent, child, friend, and boss. Only three of those were available to me, seeing as I have neither a partner nor a child, so I first of all went to Mum.

Mum acted all coy at first, saying "I can't think of any bad points about you". It didn't take her long to write down the honest, but still kind of brutal bad points though. 'You lack incentive and drive, go to bed too late and get up too late.' Owch! Still, very, very true. If I don't work on this by the end of the year she will disinherit me! Not that it matters, she said she has no money to give me anyway. Wooo!

Next, I attempted to phone my boss. I'll get it out of the way. I have a paper round, at 21 years old. I know, it's pathetic. But I enjoy it, so fuck you if you is judgin' me, Holmes! I judge those who judge others! Including myself! However, it gets worse. I attempted to phone my boss, not realising that the phone number in the address book was an old number. I phoned up and got through to a man. "Hi, is the woman who does the Advertisers there?" I say. "Erm, she died last February" comes the horrific reply. Shit! I freeze up. What would be the good thing to say in this situation? "I'm sorry, I forgot!" would most certainly not be it. But it's what I fucking said anyway. Jesus, I am a douche. I should have written under my boss' notes 'Don't forget that you old boss is dead, you dumb shit!' Fuckkkkkk. Now you can judge me!

Later that night I went to Jay and Kate's. I decided to ask Jay to list my bad points. Unlike Mum, it took her ages to think of any. After about an hour of umming and ahhing, I finally got 'You fart violently. You're clumsy. You live far away'. All very fair points! Will definitely work on them for the end of the year! Well, the first one at least. I can try my best at the others, but neither are really my fault. Nor's the farting really. But I tend to be particularly violent and loud around her. I'm a charming guy! I can't remember much about being at hers, except that we watched 'Criminal Minds', and that 'Kevin McCloud Slumming It' programme, and had lots of moral-ethical conversations. Later, Jay walked me home and crashed at mine, due to complications I will not go into. While we watched a really old, very aged film on TV. Which is 'Fahrenheit Something'. The 'Something' is a number, but I've forgotten what it is. 451, I think? Am I right? I'm too lazy to Google it. Someone let me know!

Day 14: Sense-less Day - Go through today without using your sense of: sight

I wimped out of the first of five sense-less days. I wanted to go properly blindfolded, but being the idiot I am, I had already made plans to go to the cinema with Meg. And you know, I'm all for appreciating sound in movies and that, but half the fun of movies is having your eyes bombarded with imagery. We could have gone to listen to a radio play instead, but it doesn't have quite the same social appeal. So I decided, instead of going completely blind, I would merely go partially blind by taking off my glasses. Seeing as everything is but a mere blur without my glasses on, I figured that, you know, it was still gonna be pretty difficult. Partially sense-less day!

It was immediately difficult to wake up and not instinctively grab my glasses and put them on. I literally had to stop myself from doing this, I could feel my arm creeping over to my bedside table, and had to slap my hand to resist my urge. That's not true. But it could be, glasses are a serious business for speccies like me, you know! It just felt really wrong and awkward grabbing breakfast and looking in the mirror without glasses. I'm used to doing certain things without glasses - like sleeping, and showering, things where glasses are hugely unneccesary. But otherwise, I'm pretty reliant on them. I've gotta say though, I don't think I look too bad without glasses - shame that I would rather cut a finger off than put something in my eye that has to STAY THERE! Eurrrrgh!

Above: How I naturally look, sans glasses. Definitely not exaggerated...

Going to Ipswich to meet my sister was awkward too. I could just about make out the right bus number when it came along, which was a good start, but I genuinely found the journey really quite depressing. I dunno why, I guess not being able to see anything properly is just a bit of a downer. And it made me really drowsy too, all day. But I don't wanna sound like a whingey bastard, I know that there are people out there with similarly bad eyesight who can't do anything about it, and people with far worse eyesight too. Including the completely blind, which this whole task was about experiencing. Though I don't wanna come across like that delusional bitch who writes for the Daily Mail who thinks that being denied access to a top-class hotel and having to call her agent for help is just as bad as being homeless. No, I'm not kidding. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1238565/LIZ-JONES.html#ixzz0cDq8tM1O Read that shit and get angry at the world with me. Although it is the Daily Mail, so I wouldn't expect anything less than utter ignorance.

Anyway, Daily Mail rant over (I need to get them out of my system every now and again!) I got into Ipswich eventually, and decided to have a quasi-shop while waiting for Meg. Which was difficult, seeing as I had to lean SUPER-close to everything to see stuff properly, which also probably made me look a bit insane. If the task was to look mental for a day, I'd have probably succeded a bit better. After a while of me sticking my face inches in front of video games and sweets, Meg came along. She has successfully passed her theory test! Well done, Meg! To celebrate, we headed to the cinema. Okay, we were gonna head to the cinema anyway, but let's bask in the moment, guys!

Meg didn't wanna watch anything too depressing, seeing as she hasn't been in the best of moods lately (despite passing her test? Madness! She should be revelling in how her life is awesome in comparison!), so we went to go see 'Daybreakers', as I personally think the film is a good laugh. I'll admit, I completely pussied out, and put my glasses on for the film. There was no way I could miss the slow-mo orgy of gore at the end of the film, a truly epic thematic moment if there ever was one. Which there are. Lots of. But still, an awesome moment nonetheless! I then took off my glasses again for the journey home, where I unfortunately missed out on a guy walking around wearing stupid goggles. Maybe he was doing the task too? But apparently he's annoying, so I refuse to believe he's a Benrikian! Even though I'm annoying too, but shhhh...

Later at home, I watched an episode of 'The Simpsons' without my glasses, which was actually alright, I could make most things out okay because it consists of thick black lines. However, I made sure to put my glasses on for the Seth Rogen episode that was on later. Which, due to the Roge-meister, was a far better episode than most recent 'Simpsons', even if it still wasn't great. But it was decent. To be fair, I wanted to put them back on at this time anyway, going out with my glasses caused a fuck-off huge headache, and wasn't helping my drowsiness at all. Plus, I had a blog entry to write, and I put way too much effort into these things without having to strain my eyes and alternate my face quickly between the keyboard and the screen during a headache. Jeez, that would have been such fun though...