January

Okay, so I really wanted to blog each and every seperate day of my tasking, so that I could go into detail about everything, but that all went to shit through my computer deciding to systematically destroy itself at every available oppertunity. Not that you can blame it really, I wouldn't much fancy being constantly prodded with my fingers either. Because of all this, I've decided fuck it, maybe I can do daily updates if my computer ever works and I manage to get up to date in the first place, but I don't look forward to catching up to that point with singular blog entries, so I've decided instead I will cap off January with this blog entry, I guess that will be a nice start. I won't go into loads of detail like I usually do, but let's face it, that's probably a good thing.

Day 23: Choose your final meal on death row and make it
I kind of cheated - I'm rubbish at making food. So instead I ordered it! Besides, my favourite kind of food is Chinese food, and you just can't beat Chinese takeaway. I got the following;
Special chow mein
Special fried rice
Barbecue ribs
Chips (for Jay)
On top of this, I needed oral lubrication and desert. I chose orange Lucozade for the former, and Refreshers bars for the latter, seeing as I was addicted to both at the time. It was an extremely unhealthy meal. But it was also supposed to be my last ever meal...

Day 24: Today, smile innapropriately
Jay and I, being the loving couple that we are, insult each other A LOT. Whenever she insulted me today, I just took it on the chin and smiled. Although I always smile, because our abuse aimed towards each other is funny. Whenever I bought up an upsetting topic I made sure to smile too. Chris said something really depressing later that evening, and smiled broadly. I forgot why at first, but then joined in.

Day 25: Today jump a queue
I didn't jump a queue today. I planned to, and I was stalking around Tesco for a while, looking for the perfect queue to jump. But I was really worried about it, 'cos I'm a pussy. Plus, the queues were shit. I finally decided on the queue I would jump and... it went before I had a chance. Lame.

Day 26: Today help destroy an ugly building
I didn't do this either. My life can't change with this pathetic tasking! I planned to maybe chip a bit of paint off this really ugly house with a nautical design near where I live. But I didn't. I had friends to see, and I guess my social life came first this day.

Day 27: Today write the opening sentence of your debut novel
'I don't know much about life to be honest with you, but I do know this; The closer you come to dying, the closer you come to living.' My debut novel will be a spy novel about an amateur secret agent who has to face the morality of killing others to accomplish what needs to be done for his job. It will subvert the genre a bit; a thinly-veiled James Bond rip-off gets killed in action for not focussing on his job and indulging in hedonism instead. The opening sentence needs a little work, but I will one day write the novel. Promise! Maybe.

Day 28: Today, return all your junk mail
I didn't have any physical junk mail of my own to return to sender. Fortunately, I get junk-ish stuff all the time from this indie music online magazine called Dummy, which I never signed up for and don't give a shit about, so I returned their very e-mail to them.

Day 29: Today, eat wrong
I ate really unhealthily all day;
Coco Pops and milk for breakfast, slathered in fresh cream, natch
Lucozade (of course)
Pizza. Really greasy pizza. I think
Cheesy garlic bread
Pork scratchings
I felt really sick by the end of the day.

Day 30: Everybody scream today!
Whilst doing my paperround with Jay in tow, at 20:07 as guided by the book, very near a pub, Jay and I stopped and screamed as loud as possible. She screamed 'FUCK!' to make it even better. I kept screaming and screaming. It killed my throat. Felt good though. Screaming, that is, not the sore throat.

Day 31: Groom someone on the net today
This failed epicly. Jay and I tried for quite a while to find a decent chat room, but no one uses them anymore. I figured I'd try and create an online band, so I found a music chat room, and found somebody named 'Ilovedrummerboyz'. I'm a drummer boy! Unfortunately, when I PM'd her, she never replied. Nobody else was interested in the band either. Chat rooms are SOOOO 20th century.

So there you go, the last third of January in a nutshell. Next up - February! Who'd have thought it?