March Part I

Time for March's taskage. Slowly catching up. Sloooooooooooowly.

Day 60: Make the Dalai Lama lose his temper today

I just stole an example from the diary, and sent an e-mail to the office of the Dalai Lama (not his actual office, but his website's) asking why he's in exile if his gods are so good.

Day 61: Check that your sex life is normal today

I only contacted three friends, but Chris and Michelle both said that my sex life was normal, yay! Although that might be 'cos I'm a simplistic guy who has a breast fetish (yes, I found out that that's an actual fetish). Jay said I was perverted, but that's because I share my sex life with her. And because I'm a pervert.

Day 62: Today, send your suggestions to the government

I sent the following letter;

Dear Government
This request may sound ridiculous, but I would like to suggest my idea for a new law - to make it illegal to mention Katie Price in the media. I am sick of hearing or reading her name everrytime I check the news, when she has offered exactly nothing of any importance to humanity in any way. It's nothing personal against her (although I can't stand her), it's just constant mention of her name is frustrating. I regret writing it in this very letter!
I'd also like to suggest that we make the paparazzi as a whole illegal, as they intrude on the private lives of celebs, which is invasion of privacy, and therefore illegal. What's more, nobody with a brain cell wants to know that Kylie Minogue went out once without make-up.
Thank you for reading.

The amazing thing was, I actually got a reply! Although it was an automated 'Thank you for your letter' letter. Though I still think it's awesome, I bet Gordon Brown (R.I.P. (politically) - topical!) read it and thought "If only I could make it illegal..." as he gazed wistfully into the distance.

Day 63: Make a non-obscene phone call today

Eeeek, this one backfired! Jay suggested that I phone her stepmum, Tracey, as she has a good sense of humour. I must have phoned on a bad day though, as she did NOT take it well. I simply said that her voice was strong, and I felt like I recognised it. I claimed I was from Globocorp (yeah, I stole that from 'Dodgeball'), and when I burst out laughing, claimed I was watching 'The Simpsons'. I'm usually pretty calls, but when she told me to grow up and hung up I couldn't decide whether this one was a success or an epic fail.

Day 64: Trust someone with your life today

I trusted Jay to smash a glass over my head... Without smashing it. It didn't smash, and I survive. I know have firm faith in her when it comes to my wellbeing.

Day 65: Lure a fly onto this page and swat it here

I couldn't find any flies today, so instead I drew a charming picture of a squished fly in the box.

Day 66: Switch on your appendix today

I spent most of the day with my mobile phone strapped to my abdomen, making sure to bathe in the electromagnetic waves whilst getting funny sensations from received phone calls. I had to use some strong tape though, and it hurt a lot to rip it off. I'm not a hairy guy, but there's still enough hair on my belly to be uncomfortable in semi-waxing incidents.

Day 67: Today: Sketch someone opposite you on public transport and see how they react

Whilst on the train back from Ipswich with Jay, I decided to sketch a man sitting opposite me reading a paper. He was totally into that paper, as I don't think he looked up once. I should have shown it to him, but the drawing was terrible, so I didn't for the sake of my own dignity more than anything.

Day 68: Father's Day!

I don't really see my Dad very often, so I don't have huge amount of positive stuff to say about him. At the same time, he's a very nice guy, and is very supportive of my band, so I don't have a huge amount of negative stuff to say about him. That's all I'll say though, and really, all that needs to be said.

Day 69: Today scare yourself shitless

I successfully managed to bring up all the scary topics during one conversation with Jay. Terrorism blatantly links into Nuclear War, which Ebola could be used as a handy weapon for as it is very contagious, and could be a biological weapon. Cancer couldn't be as good a biological weapon though. I somehow managed to bring Serial Killers, Global Warming, and Child Abuse into it too, but I can't remember how. It was a REALLY good conversation actually, loads of good points made. Didn't scare me shitless though, I'm way too hardcore for that...

Day 70: Today confuse future archaeologists by dating things wrongly

I did as was said in the Book, I got a blank CD, wrote the date that the book had in it (I can't remember it exactly, but it was the 17th century or something), and buried it in my back yard.

Day 71: Enter Miss or Mr World

I cut out the slip, filled it in, and entered. Simple! Never got a reply though, unfortunately. But my entry seemed so serious!

Day 72: Judgement Day

Good deeds: 13. Sins: 6. Other: 4. I'm pretty sure I'm going to Heaven! Which is a good thing, although it probably means I haven't lived my life either... Ho-hum.

Day 73: Spend today listening to a loved one's inner workings

I didn't exactly SPEND the day doing it, but I did take a few minutes every now and again to press my ear against Jay's tummy. I was shocked by all the workings you can hear, there were lots of loud grumbles and the like. However, nothing sounded dodgy, so I'm sure she's of sound health.

Day 74: Today, threaten a foreign country

Off the coast of Felixstowe a bit, there's a small principality called Sealand, that has been confirmed as it's own country. It's absolutely tiny, and I think, like, one person lives there. So I thought that starting a potential war with this country would be an easy battle. I sent an e-mail to their e-mail address (duh!) saying exactly what was written in the Book. Amazingly enough, I got a reply! Actually, I was pretty terrified when I received an e-mail from some important organisation, although I've forgotten their name. Anyway, it said that my threat will not be taken seriously. Unless, they're calling my bluff of course...