I was hoping to go to the cinema today, find out the endings of the current releases, and go around spoiling the fuck out of them (especially 'The Book Of Eli', 'cos I heard it has quite the twist, whether that means it has a good twist or not. Probably the latter). But there was no oppertunity to go to the cinema today so I decided to spoil films from the comfort and safety of my own home instead. Besides, I didn't want my Unlimited card revoked for causing chaos around Cineworld. So, as referenced in the previous paragraph, for those of you with very short-term memory, I went on to the Films: At Home message board on www.gamefaqs.com. I hadn't actually posted anything on this site in ages, I don't use it much, but they have a sometimes fairly interesting film community which I enjoy perusing. I put on a post simply entitled 'Fight Club'. Now, I realise that this is more likely to attract people who have seen the film, but I'm the kinda guy who acts first, thinks later. Or thinks too much, never acts. But this example is the former. Not that it matters. Inside the topic I wrote (*SPOILER ALERT*) 'Tyler Durden is the Narrator. Just thought I'd let y'all know.' I'm thinking I did spoil the film for some poor soul, I checked back the next day and couldn't find my post at all, then noticed a 'system notification'. It was a message telling me that my topic had been deleted for unnanounced spoilers, and that I had lost 3 karma points. Out of the 300-ish I had. What a punishment!
Later, Jay, or Jaffy as I had taken to calling her, came around, and we planned a night of movie watching. For some reason, I was really in the mood to watch 'Hostel: Part II', but Jaffy very much wasn't. She was pretty much traumatised by the first 'Hostel', but after a while she agreed to watch the second one, knowing that I would protect her from any horrifyingly gory imagery. We made a deal that I could spoil the film for her throughout, but I felt really bad about it, so instead I decided to, at certain points, give her two options, one of them a spoiler, one of them completely made up. The problem being that I'm bad at making stuff up, so came out with amazing questions like 'Okay, so does he get killed by the girl he's torturing, or does the ghost of his dead friend come along and help him kill her?' Or something like that. Jaffy quite easily guessed the real spoiler. As it was in the end, she actually wasn't traumatised at all. She thought the first film was worse, while I was cringing in disgust at most of 'Hostel: Part II'. Especially the bit with the chopped off penis. But that's a guy thing. I think every girl who laughs at guys who cringe at severed penises should have to watch 'Antichrist' as punishment. Not that Jaffy laughed. Just a thought though.
We followed up the guts, gore, and mutilated cocks with an even more vile and disgusting film - 'Bridget Jones's Diary'! I couldn't even stomach the levels of gore in this film! Okay, I'm bullshitting, there was a distinct lack of gore in the film, but I did actually really enjoy it. Jaffy was scared I'd hate it 'cos I hate 'Love Actually' with such a passion, but 'BJD' was actually coherent, so I very much enjoyed it. Although I felt bad that Jaffy didn't spoil the ending of the film for me, but then again, it was a romantic comedy, we all know how they end. That's right, the girl gets with the guy... But then the girl IS the guy!
Or not. Has this happened in a romantic comedy yet? If not, I'm busting out the typewriter immediately...
No comments:
Post a Comment