Day 12: Recruit a celebrity to the Benrik cult today

The first, long, difficult step in recruiting a celebrity to the Benrik cult is thinking of a suitable celeb. You need to choose someone with a sense of humour - Benrik isn't for humourless people, even though this life-changing lark is deadly serious. You also need someone who is in need of life change, although I clearly forgot this rule, and just focussed on the first one. Rules are made to be broken after all, especially rules invented by oneself. I considered who to choose. I thought about my idol, Justin K Broadrick, but I figured he really doesn't need any more on his plate, seeing as he is making music ALL THE BLOODY TIME! Although you really should be making more Jesu right now, Brodders! I also considered Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who is super, super hot, and seems to have a good sense of humour. But I needed someone who definitely had a good sense of humour.

So, my comedy idol seemed like good choice - Seth Rogen. Funny, chubby (well, was chubby), unconventionally attractive, imminently huggable, intelligent, and usually blissfully stoned, Seth Rogen is the perfect man, and if I was gay I would be tapping his ass in a second! But that's probably too much information, so let's just say that I very much admire his works as both actor and writer. Inbetween fantasising about him, of course. He seems game for a laugh, so I figured he will admire the delightfully wacky antics of Benrik!

I wrote the following on the handy letter template provided by the Book:

Dear Seth Rogen.

I have long admired your work, and in particular 'Superbad' which just blew me away on so many levels, like it's realistic depiction of teenage virginity.

I'm no one in particular, just a student from Suffolk. But I thought I'd send you this book. It's none of my business really, but I read in the press recently that you had problems because of having to take cocaine, which you dislike, in order to lose weight for 'The Green Hornet'. They obviously make all this up, but still, it sounds like you could use a radical life-change. Follow this diary's instructions every day and you'll get much more positive publicity let me tell you! Anyway, I don't want to bother you any longer as I have my own problems such as post-teenage virginity.

I urge you to visit www.benrik.co.uk and join us for your own sake. Good luck.

Then I threw in my mobile phone number at the end, as asked, but that's for Seth's eyes only!

All I now had to do was find his address, which I Googled for, but to little avail. There were some websites claiming they had it, but you had to sign up for them, and pay them money, which I wasn't gonna do 'cos they were probably those terrible internet virus things! Besides, I wasn't gonna send the whole book, just the page, so I wasn't in this too deep I guess. So, I decided, as per usual when I'm tasking, because I'm a wuss, to look at this from another angle.

I've done it before, and I'll do it again - I resorted to Twitter! Rogen's Twitter page, http://twitter.com/rogiddy, which also has quite possibly the most amazing background ever, but is masked behind his tweets, was where I absolutely knew I could contact the man! Actually, I bet he won't read it, but it was worth a shot. I tweeted him the following comment, bearing in mind I had a piss-annoying 140-character limit;

Mr. Rogen, my comedy idol! You should join the Benrik cult by buying 'This Book Will Change Your Life'! I'll admire you even more!

I'm a big fan, so surely there's no way he could refuse the idea of me being a BIGGER fan. Surely... There's been no reply yet (and this was a couple of days ago), but I'm keeping up hope. He can only resist Benrik for so long...

Later that evening, I went to band practice. Which didn't go well, shockingly enough, as Amy was hungover. At 8pm. From the previous night. I've only ever been that hungover once before, and I NEVER want to do it again. So I can sympathise. But it is fucking annoying when I just wanna bash some skins and get some tunes learned. We've got a 20-song set gig planned for next month, and currently know about 7 songs. Good times ahead!

Later that night I met up with Jay, and we went to the other James, Mr. Small's, house for a night of good times. I met Mr. Small's mum, Dena, if that's how you spell her name, who was lovely, and we watched 'Mr. Bean', which was very nostalgic for me, I watched it non-stop as a kid. I also met his part-brother Alex, who seemed nice once I got to know him, but he was stoned out of his mind. I'm not complaining, it was hilarious. We played a word game called Balderdash, or Codswallop, or Piffle, or something, I can't remember the exact name. Either way, it was very fun, Jay and I vs. Mr. Small and Alex. Who was giggling at everything. And liked making sounds to accompany his words. Somehow, Jay and I lost. But it was totally worth it for laughing at Alex and learning the word 'Sprag', which Jay and I have been obssessed with since.

Jay and I then walked back to mine badly, slipping on the ice a lot, not helped by the fact she was pretty drunk. I would be too if I was letting myself drink this month (although, i admit, I did have a Snowball, I had to try one!). She was only planning on walking me back to mine, despite my protestations, but didn't quite realise how far away I lived. And it wasn't a fun walk with all the ice. Although we made it fun. We then crashed at mine, where I slept peacefully, fantasising some more about Seth Rogen... Uhh, I mean Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Yeah, definitely her...