During the day previous, the one in which Chris and I had converted subsumer society (or something like that), I showed him some of the cool stuff in my room. One of the things I had was a game called 'Bite The Bullet', which consisted of 13 chocolate bullets, a 12-sided die, and 2 of the aforementioned bullets containing chilli inside them. I now remember something about being at Jay and Kate's the previous night, and that was that Chris and I played this game. Amazingly enough, we both stumbled across the chilli bullets on our very last goes. What are the odds? I assure you they didn't taste nice, although they weren't quite as bad as I expected, seeing as the package was like 'This shit is so spicy it will cave your fucking face in!' (it didn't actually say that, unfortunately). But it wasn't nice, and I was, I'll admit, mildly scared of it. Actually, I was terrified, seeing as the best before was something like halfway through 2009. I know I should have saved the scary food for the day after. But, you see, I did!
See, also in my room was a gift I got about two years ago, from Nicole and Alex (who also bought me the 'Bite The Bullet' game, they want to systematically destroy my taste buds I think). It was a lollypop! EUUUUUURGGGGGHHHH! But, more than that (and I like lollypops really), it was a vodka flavoured lollypop. And it had a scorpion in it. So today, well, Wednesday 6th, I ate a scorpion.
I met up with my friend Mat at Uni during the day, so we could work on our essays. I got a huge amount done, which I was stoked about, and still had time to fuck around with Mat, searching for the very end of the internet, by which I mean the most disgusting stuff there is on the internet. Oddly, through all the Japanese squid porn and stuff I'm going to hell for laughing at, the thing that repulsed me the most was 'Simpsons' porn. It's WRONG! I just can't believe that someone would take so much time to craft a picture of Homer doing Lisa. And then jack off over it. It genuinely worries me. I think, in terms of legal stuff at least, that IS the end of the internet. Yes, stuff can be much grosser or whatever, but in terms of just straight-up weirdness, I can't help but think that images of yellow cartoon characters indulging in incest is about as niche and odd as a fetish can get. It disturbs that these people watch 'The Simpsons', and probably think "You know what, this is great, but it'd be much better if Marge was blowing Bart..." WRONG! Just wrong! And that's not even going into the fact that a lot of it is paedophilic. Ewwwwwww.
I can't believe I just went off on a tangent about 'Simpsons' porn. Well, at least I'm not endorsing it or anything. Anyways, at some point during essaying/worrying-about-humanity, I released THE lollypop - the Vodkalix Scorpion flavour. They had other varieties too, such as ants, or worm. Gross. I think I lucked out with the scorpion. First things first, the actual lolly tasted nothing like vodka. Which is a good thing, straight vodka doesn't do it for me. It just tasted... Sugary really. Like a sugar flavoured lolly. Weird. Not as weird as the scorpion though. It took a while to get to (the anticipation was the worst part), and I started with the tail. Then the pincers. Then the body. It didn't taste TERRIBLE. It didn't taste very nice either. It tasted like a weird mix between marzipan and pure cocoa powder. The worst thing, though, was that it was very bitty, which wasn't very comfortable. Knowing that I had little bits of scorpion in my mouth wasn't the best, I have to say.
Above: A VERY sexy picture of me eating a scorpion.
Unbeknownst to me at the time of eating, the treated Chinese scorpion contained within the sugary cage was also apparently an aphrodisiac. And, I have to say, without wanting to disturb any potential readers, I was quite horny that day. I promise you that I was not horny during seeing the 'Simpsons' porn though. Which works as something of an anti-aphrodisiac. At least I know where to look if I ever want to be completely turned-off though. For whatever reason I might want to be turned-off.
Later that evening, Mat and I went to see 'Daybreakers', which I personally thought was pretty damn awesome. It was stupid, but it knew it was stupid, without being too self-deprecating at the same time, which I like. One of the more fun films I've seen at the cinema in quite a while, loads of inventive ideas, over-the-top gore, and, of course, Sam Neill being a badass. Not quite as badass as eating a scorpion, of course, but what is? Eating a live scorpion, perhaps? If I ever have to do this task again, I know what I'm doing...
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