Day 2: The Love Of Your Life

This is Saturday's task, where I'm simply required to gaze at everyone lovingly, consider whether they are 'the one', and if I think they are, then act on my desires. Yeah, right. This is the second day of life change, my balls aren't quite big enough to approach a complete stranger and tell them that I think they are the one for me. If I were to do it, I would have to push up my glasses and lick my lips as I did it for comic effect...

Besides, we all know that my heart is reserved for Lylith. Ahhh, Lylith, you massively mammaried beauty! You will be my dairy queen! Haha, if this blog entry gets anymore creepy I might just get investigated...

Above: The TRUE love of my life

Anyway, as it is, no one I saw today was worthy of my love. I instantly ruled my family out. Because it's already established that I love my family, but I don't love them in THAT way. Besides, I have to save that for that Family Love Day that I am totally not looking forward to. So, I headed out to Ipswich today for band practice, and on the train journey up there, searched for the love of my life...

And what a fruitful search it was! Nah, it was terrible. I mean, REALLY terrible. I was hoping the hot, bespectacled emo girl who kept looking at me I saw a few weeks back would be there. But she wasn't. The only people I could see initially were a few chavvy guys. Hmmmm, not really my kind of scene. Partly because they were guys, and I'm not gay. Although, to an extent, I've always thought that if I was particularly unlucky in finding a woman, I could go for a guy. I've had more guys ever flirt with me than girls have, so at least I know it would probably be relatively easy to get IN a gay relationship, even if it wouldn't be so easy to BE in one. Because it wouldn't be truthful to my heart. Which loves girls. Shame.

But mainly, something that matters far more than sexual preference, they were chavs! And I don't think I could ever date a chav, be they male or female. Chavs transcend gender! This is nothing personal against all chavs, I know some chav-esque people who are pretty nice. But dating one? That's a different matter. I don't think I could deal with the other chavs who would no doubt be involved too. Plus, I'm a geek, so I'd be totally incompatible with a chav. Would be interesting if it DID happen though...

I did see a woman with a fringe, which, for whatever reason, I am totally into. But she was a bit too old for me, and clearly had a boyfriend already. In fact, age was one of the main issues, I didn't see anybody who I thought was roughly around my age. Everyone seemed too young or too old. And I know age isn't necessarily important in love. But I'm not a paedophile, nor a grave-robber. So nobody I saw today really captured my heart.

Actually, my bandmates are near enough around my age. The problem being that two of them are guys. And the female member... I just couldn't love her. Or any of them. Sorry guys, I know you're not reading this, but sorry if you do. I shouldn't go into further detail. We're just on WAAAAAAAY different leagues to each other.

Band practice didn't go well at all. We were planning to record some tracks so we could send them to a venue interested in gigs. But all the recording gear fucked up, so that didn't happen. And there were lots of arguments, as usual. When all I want to do is drum. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh well.

However, on the positive (actually, quite negative) side, something Mum told me later that night made me so disillusioned in love anyway. I won't go into details here, but it made me realise that people are shit. And, you know, I've always loved the idea of love. But some people just aren't capable of it, and I'm always so scared that I'll end up with one of those people, someone who will fuck me over and leave me broken hearted. And, I guess, love is one of the only things capable of making people feel that shit. But it can also be the best thing in the world. It should be the best thing in the world. I hope it's the best thing in the world at least. 'Cos otherwise I'm wasting my time filling my head with the idea that it is.

Fuck, this has all gotten very reflective. Jay and I happen to be talking about similar subjects as I'm writing this. Sorry if it's all gotten a bit downbeat, but I've been in a shitty mood today, so I guess that's rubbed off a bit. Besides, I really enjoyed writing it. If you have a problem with that, then I don't love you! And you don't want that now, do you?