Fortunately, today's task catered to the lazy too! All I had to do was tick off the things I would never do, from a list of about three-hundred-and-something. Which was the worst part, it took a while to get through. But probably not quite as long as this will take to get through, if I decide to finish it. That's right. I'm gonna list EVERYTHING. I would just upload my photo of the page, but it's unreadable. So I'm actually gonna do this. Help me.
Things I have/will/might/hopefully will do before I die, with a little bit of exaggeration in places;
Swim with dolphins
Write that novel/screenplay
Run away
Wear coloured lenses
Donate your liver
Compromise
Parachute
Spend a night in prison
Start a revolution
Pretend everything is alright
Follow this Book rigourously
Learn how to drive
Hurt a friend
Go to a drive-in cinema
Become an artist
Collect stamps (it was in primary school, okay?)
Be late for a date
Watch all of Bergman
Bite the dust
Kiss a stranger
Move to Japan
Visit space
Invent a cookie
Become grumpy when old
Wear a rucksack
Use a semicolon
Become a fanatic
Dress like a hip-hopper
Be gay
Be heterosexual
Start a cult
Stand and speak up for your rights
Talk to strangers
Start a fire
Drink yourself silly in New Zealand
Order tap water
Grow a beard
Be on TV
Laugh at a bad joke
Apply for a patent
Become a rock star
Fall for advertising
Stop worrying
Use the term "solutionize" (I just did!)
Confess to a priest
Be drunk during office hours
Contemplate suicide
Take NO for an answer
Say a prayer
Break a promise
Learn to fly
Get a tattoo
Learn to live with gnats
Go on a field trip
Take part in a brainstorming
Be the fifth wheel
Demand a ransom
Say NO when you mean YES
Witness a miracle
Shave off your pubic hair
Cross-dress
Make like a tree
Bake a soufflé
Organize an orgy
Understand Hitler (I understand that he was completely fucked in the head, that counts right?)
Live within your means
Star in a Hollywood blockbuster
Dream in black and white
Solve a crime
Start your own religion
Experience an earthquake (the great earthquake of the UK, of course! Epic!)
Bump'n'grind
Be used as a manga character
Move someone to tears
Go live with a hermit
Greet the extraterrestrial delegation
Become a Muslim
Become a Buddhist
Become a Christian (all three (sort of) for Ecumenical Day of course!)
Reject society
Fulfill your true potential (who am I kidding?)
Risk your life
Refuse a new technology
Sway a jury
Fight the power
Collect coins (in Mario? Does that count?)
Smoke a Cuban cigar
Think up a new swear word (cuntbaggage!)
Master the remote control
Make a pact with the devil
Tell your deepest secret
Feel ugly
Feel pretty
Shit in the woods
Become a superhero
Make a leap of faith
Live to tell the tale
Forgive and forget
Serenade a lover
Jump for joy
Wear a cape
Talk dirty to a flower
Acquire a hard-ass nickname (Mr. Big's pretty hard-ass)
Become like your mother
Spell "egg" differently (I spell it "geg")
Beg in the street
Generate controversy
Howl at the full moon
Win an Oscar
Unbreak a taboo
Get high on life
Find your self
Other
Goddamn, that took agessss!!!! But without further ado...
Things I will never do before I die;
Read Proust
Climb Everest
Learn Italian
Visit Bhutan
Become a world chess champion
Rob a bank
Have a sex change
Become a queen
Become a king
Become a millionaire
Go to heaven ('cos I'd have to be dead to do that)
Walk to the North Pole
Learn Russian
Live off charity
Contract an STD
Celebrate Xmas in May
Call your father "Pa"
Call your mother "Ma"
Learn the Periodic Table by heart
Work in a coal mine
Follow Mao's teachings
Ride a camel
Inject heroin
Wear loafers
Speak in tongues
Faint with love
Save the world
Become insensitive to suffering
Master the yo-yo
Become a fitness instructor
Feel like Batman (Chris and I both felt sad to tick this one off)
Live for a year on a desert island
Confess to a whore
Eat leaves from a tree
Graffiti a highway bridge
Own an owl
Ride a Harley
Gamble your shirt (although I guess I have to on the second to last day of this Book...)
Invade a small country
Ride a donkey
Proclaim yourself emperor
Disinherit your heirs
Adopt a Romanian
Seduce the prom queen
Paint someone in tar and feathers
Run for your life
Light a fart
Smoke a cat
Make the front page
Win the Nobel peace prize
Make love in front of a stranger
Volunteer for a dangerous mission
Overdose
Give birth to a goatboy
Win the rat race
Overthrow a regime
Race at Monaco
Marry someone you've just met
Marry someone you've never met
Shovel manure
Discover the lost city of Atlantis
See your face on a banknote
Be eaten by cannibals
Own a grotto
Host a game show
Sue the government
Win the lottery
Sleep with your best friend's partner
Meet Santa
Shoot the last buffalo
Hibernate
Burn your bra (women)
Burn your jockstrap (men)
Find a guru
Turn 117 years old
Update the Kama Sutra
Marry a prince or princess
Settle in Pittsburgh
Run with the wolves
Become pope
Inherit the crown jewels
Grow a tail
Crash a helicopter in the jungle
Take a vow of silence
Take a vow of chastity
Jump bail
Fake a multiple orgasm
Become employee of the month
Tie the perfect shoelace knot
Eradicate hepatitis C
Kiss your own lips
Shoot the pianist
Ride off into the sunset
Invent a typeface
Beat Bjorn Borg at tennis
Be in the eye of the storm
Break the bank in Vegas
Have a park bench named after you
Meet your great-great-grandchildren
Suffer a fool gladly
Sweep a chimney
Be the 78th person on the moon
Be called upon your president
Win best-looking baby of the year
Fight a duel
Jump the gun
Escape your past
Suck on 12 lollipops at once
Have your own brand of olive oil
Become immortal
Learn pole dancing
Play the lead in Swan Lake
Catch that bird that pooped on you
Loop the loop
Wish upon a star
Witness the mating of flamingos
Confess under duress
Walk down the yellow brick road
Travel at warp speed
Stab someone in the back
Implode
Swim in Lake Titicana
Jump on a real bandwagon
Run an arms dealership
Exterminate a zombie
Sniff superglue
Whistle while you work
Memorize an encyclopaedia
Floss twice a day (I won't rule it out, but once a day seems enough, right?)
Go on a rampage
Make your bank manager beg
Lick an electric eel
Broker a ceasefire
Conduct an orchestra
Jump ship
Get drunk on meths
Sacrifice a goat
Inaugurate a building
Sleep with a whore of Babylon
Reach Nirvana
Find out what it's all about
Crush grapes with your bare feet
Ride a yak
Sup with Satan
Bite the hand that feeds you
Track down Lord Lucan
Cause an intergalactic rift
Get away with murder
Travel back in time
Apologize for existing
Think the unthinkable
Appease a dictator
Lose your mojo
Face a firing squad
Become an object of worship
Gate crash the White House
Burn a banknote
Have the Midas touch
Trigger an avalanche
Cure the common cold
Own an oil field
Save the whale
Discover a new continent
Come out of a black hole alive
Precipitate the decline of the West
Suck your little toe in public
Mate with another species
Become possessed
Surpass Einstein
Understand Einstein
Look like Einstein
Predict an eclipse
Participate in the Olympics
Catch a shark
Meet your maker
Commit arson
Spot the Invisible Man
Head a posse
Undergo emergency liposuction
Do the Rubik's Cube
Blame God for everything (just most things)
Betray your country
Regain your virginity
Change astrological signs
Bring back Bambi
Write in cuneiform
Get fired for being truculent
Become like your father
Join the French Foreign Legion
Achieve perfection
Win top prize for your verucca
Channel lava away from a village
Grow a third nipple
Spend all your salary on payday
Witness the Big Bang
Gerrymander
Meet a bolshevik
Ooze charm (I can be kinda charming, but I dunno about 'oozing' it)
Moult
Have too much of a good thing
Die of hard work
Run amok
Discover your ancestor is Napoleon
Make it to the top
Successfully crash-land a jumbo jet
Fiddle while Rome burns
Design the perfect crouton
Run out of tears
Give rise to a cause célèbre
Part the Red Sea
Have sex with your clone
Know the truth about JFK
Wave a red rag to a bull
Rule the world
Jesus Christ, I am finally done! *GASP* If anybody read all of that, I will personally buy you a Refreshers bar, because I am addicted to them at the moment, and you deserve one more than I do! I dunno why I did all that, but I figured it wouldn't make for a very interesting blog if I didn't. It didn't make for an interesting blog anyway, but we'll ignore that... Also, there are probably a few mistakes in there in regards to where some things are listed, but I honestly don't care at this point! I'm just glad it's over!
Also, in regards to some of the stuff I claimed I will never do, but actually might, or vice versa, I have to come back to my moral (if you can call it that) for yesterday - YOU CAN JUST NEVER KNOW!
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