Review of 2009

'Cos I'm a geek who loves movies and music more than I love my friends and family (I'm joking, friends and family!), I have decided to do a review of my favourite stuff in 2009. And by stuff, I mean movies and music. Prepare to be bored by things I've probably mentioned millions of times before!

First up, movies! 2009 was a pretty darn good year for movies. This year I joined Lovefilm, which is an orgasmically good invention, and allows me to see all the potentially dope (and the terrible) flicks that I didn't catch at the cinema, or weren't given a mainstream release. As it is, I've watched a LOT of movies this year. Good and bad, but mostly good fortunately. I'll get the bad over and done with. Worst movie of the year? 'Lesbian Vampire Killers'. There is absolutely no excuse for this to exist. Sure, the title is great. Alas, there is distinct lack of lesbianism or killing in the film. There are some vampires, but let's face it, every film has vampires in at the moment. Nope, this film really is just a series of jokes I would have stopped laughing at when I was 10. If you find the words 'condom', 'cock', or 'fanny' funny, then by all means, this is probably the best movie of the year for you. However, if you love juvenile, childish humour with some actual wit behind it, like I do, then you'll hate it. James Corden was recently voted one of the most annoying people of the year, and I hope to God that he was voted that because of this film.

I can't believe I spent ages talking about a film I hate! But I guess I just needed the release. Favourite films of the year? My absolute favourite was 'Watchmen', which was quite simply amazing. Sure, I've only read half of the graphic novel (which is also amazing), so I guess I can't compare them, but that might be a reason I loved the film so much. It's one of the deepest, most complex films I have seen, nearly 3 hours of moral, political and existential issues. Which doesn't make it sound overtly appealing, so there's also a fair amount of gore and nudity in it too. The special effects are superb, visually the film is extraordinary. Especially the scenes of Dr. Manhattan on Mars...

Ahhh, Manhattan on Mars. Has there been a better sequence in recent memory than the one where Manhattan tells us his life story thus far, whilst levitating on the red planet, soundtracked by an incredibly haunting piece by Philip Glass? I don't think so. Say what you will about the rest of the film. But this scene is pretty much perfect. I'd go so far as to say it is. One of the most saddening, beautiful things I have ever seen on film, 'Watchmen' could be film of the year for this scene alone. Fortunately the rest is not far off the brilliance of this scene.

Other amazing films this year? 'Inglourious Basterds' was incredible, and, surprisingly, my favourite Tarantino film so far. Fun, complex, subversive, and Cnl. Landa is one of the greatest characters ever created. Third fave would be 'Avatar'. It wasn't the masterpiece that I wanted James Cameron, my favourite filmmaker, to make. But it was still fucking awesome. Simplistic plot, sure. But the way it's told is fantastic, it looks great, and the action is unbeatable. Other brilliant films this year: 'The Wrestler', 'Rachel Getting Married', 'The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button', 'Hansel and Gretel' (not the fairytale), 'Gran Torino', 'Milk', 'The Hangover', 'Bruno', 'Star Trek', 'Drag Me To Hell', '(500) Days Of Summer', 'Away We Go' (closest I came to crying at the cinema all year!), 'A Serious Man', 'Michael Jackson's This Is It', 'Anvil! The Story Of Anvil', 'Up!', etc. There's probably loads I haven't mentioned, but you probably stopped reading ages ago, so that shouldn't be a problem... =p

Jesus, I've already written a lot. Gasp! On to music then! I'll try not to write so much!

Kind of disappointing year for Jesu, my favourite band. There were some very, very good releases this year, but nothing sensational. The 'Opiate Sun' EP was great, but hardly essential Jesu. 'Infinity' was amazing, but considering it was one 50-minute long song, should have been better. As it was, it drags halfway through, and not because it's long. Fortunately, the closing ambience is incredible, an awesome way to end such an epic piece. Still excited by what Jesu have got in store next, I'm still in love with the band!

Also disappointing was the new Between The Buried And Me album, 'The Great Misdirect'. The predecessor, 'Colors', is without a doubt my favourite metal album ever. Epic, expansive, crazy, mind-boggling, and just incredibly head-bangable. Unfortunately, the new album tries to hard to top it, and fails. It's still a great album, but just not quite there. The proggy bits are too dull, the metal bits are too indulgent, the weird bits are too not-weird-enough. And the final track, 'Swim To The Moon' is especially frustrating. It has an amazing chorus, which unfortunately we only hear three times over the course of a patience-stretching, 18-minute long jam session. A shame, but still better than most metal out there.

Fvaourite album of the year is 'Tarot Sport' by Fuck Buttons. Yes, they have a silly name, but it's easy to forget that when listening to some of the most euphoric, uplifting music ever made. The experimental noise of the first album, 'Street Horrrsing', is still there, but lying underneath layers and layers of beautiful drones, hypnotic drumming, and an atmosphere of hope and triumph. I suppose you could say that it's dance music, but it's so much better than any dance music that exists. It's frequently beautiful, groovy, relaxing, all while being very experimental. For once, a band actually got BETTER this year.

Favourite song of the year? 'Lights And Shapes' by Moving Mountains. Breathtaking. Absolutely, one of the most epic things I've ever heard. What starts off as a frantic post-hardcore workout soon segues into a violin-led post-rock beauty, and ends with shimmering ambience that will warm even the coldest of hearts. The musical equivalent to falling in love. I have just ordered their EP, 'Foreword', so hopefully will soon be indulging in more MovMou lushness.

This was really quite long and indulgent (kind like the new BTBAM album...), and if you've read it the whole way through I feel sorry for you, but I also really love you. That is your reward for reading this whole thing! My eternal love! Enjoy!